Journey to God

 

I guess I would have to start when I was around five or six my Mother and I lived in a four room block house with my Grandmother. I was in the back yard playing as I normally did no one else was around except for my Grandmother who was inside the house. Then someone spoke to me just calling out my name, I looked but no one was there, this happen twice more on the third time I bolted to the house missing all the back steps and nearly ripped the screen door off the hinges. My Grandma was coming through the living room into the kitchen, and like a fighter jet into an arresting net on a carrier I ran straight into my Grandma’s apron, nearly knocking her to the floor.  Looking down in that unshakable domineer of hers she said Lord Child what’s got you so stirred up. I must have looked as white as a sheet cause she again ask what was the trouble, there’s ghosts in the back yard I replied, she looked at me again and sat me down in one of the old ladder back chairs that sat around the kitchen table. Then began to explain to me that there was no such thing as ghosts, because those that go to heaven don’t want to come back and those that go to hell can’t. So she asks me to tell her just what happened which I did telling her how I had been called by name three times and that there was nobody there. Then I got a reply that I would not understand for years to come, the next time this happens just turn around and say here I am what do you want, I remember thinking yeah right, but looking back I think now it was the beginning of a journey that through my own choices would take many years to come to its destination.

Some years later at 14 I professed Christ and was baptized. At around 16 or so after witnessing a very ugly church situation I walked away from the Church, with the thought that if that was what is was to be a Christian I wanted nothing to do with it, and lived a life more for Satan than Christ for many years.

I spent the next 23 years looking for answers in all the wrong places, but God was not done. An avid history buff I spent a lot of time studying the subject. One of my favorite subjects was the history of the American West, from the fur trade years through the Indian wars. One of my favorite characters was a man name Jedediah Smith a man of faith who studied the word of God and prayed who was able to resist the temptation of this wild era when others could not. I began to see others in the past that seem to have been touch by God in some way as in the story of Hugh Glass. During this time I also spent much time studying the culture of the Lakota people finding an interest in the prophecies of Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse and others. Much of this probably came from my need to reconcile my own connection to the west my biological father was from Wyoming and this was a part of my history that I had never known, as he and my mother separated a month before I was born. To this day I have never had a connection with him but God has given me peace in this matter. Much of what I was reading began to remind me of the stories that my grandmother read me as child, you see she didn’t read me fairy tales and such but read to me from her worn King James Bible. So I knew all the stories of How God had dealt with people throughout the Bible.

Most of my life I had always heard preachers and people state that God did not speak audibly to people anymore, and I always wondered why. Somewhere deep in my heart I felt that God still spoke and that there was something yet I needed to hear. I think that many think that if God speaks to someone that everyone else hears but the Bible seems to say different, When God spoke to Moses the people heard only thunder. So I believe that God can speak to us even in public in a very private way which to us would seem very audible.

 

The end of this begins in October, A friend of my wife’s had ask if she would go with her to a run she was running in the mountains, she usually had a lady that went with her but she had been mugged badly coming out of the post office in Southern Pines and could not go due to her injuries. For the past couple of weeks I had been feeling a sense of oppression on me that I had never felt before, and my wife had some concerns about going as I was not feeling well, but I told her it was fine and she should go and enjoy some time in the mountains. I had been contemplating a time of vision quest and this would seem to provide the three days I needed and since I was not eating or sleeping why not, but I didn’t take some advise form my studies on the subject that a person must have taken the time to purify ones heart and mind there must be no anger, guilt (sin) or grudges in that person’s life else doors would be open that would allow evil spirits to enter in.

As the day approached the oppression grew even worse and I could not shake the ominous feeling that had seem to settle over me, I was not sleeping and could not seem to eat it was as if something disastrous was on the horizon and I couldn’t stop it.  For two more days the oppression gathered no eating, no sleeping just seeking answers that did not seem to come. Finally on the third night around 10 or 11 I had a visitor I had been sitting in my bedroom praying about a vision for my life, but it wasn’t what I was expecting.  Let me clarify something here, Satan is not a little red man with horns, a tail and a pitch fork, he is not grotesque or even what you would call ugly in any way. His voice is melodic almost hypnotizing. If he walked into your church all the women would want to marry him all the men would want to be his friend and would probably elect him pastor. He is a great orator you just can’t help but believe him. So there I sat looking into the face of the prince and the power of the air. Who began to tell me that there was only one solution to my problem and that was to end my life, when I question this he began to describe in detail what would take place if I didn’t, how all of those that I cared about would be destroyed and how their lives would be ruined. Sometime during this I had gotten the shotgun from the closet and found myself listening to his speech while looking down the barrel of the gun. But somehow during this, while his voice seemed to fill the room and my head a memory came back from my childhood, a statement that my grandma had made many times, when all seems hopeless give it all to God.

 At that moment I did something that would change my life forever. I made this statement, Father God if what he says is true if what he says must take place then You take my life, If I need to die then you kill me my life is yours do with it what you will. I looked again and this did not seem to please my guest and anger filled his face and he flew into a tirade, then his anger turned to a look of fear, and then there was another presence in the room one I could feel but not see. Then the voice the one I had heard many years ago I heard again. “He is a lair and the truth is not in him, he cannot touch that which is mine, he cannot destroy that which I will not let him. I am not through with you yet, form this day on I will show you the mighty works of my hand.” In that moment I looked up and Satan was gone. I cannot describe the feeling of comfort and peace that at that moment I felt. I did however lie down on the bed and I slept for the first time in days and for the first time in memory God truly inhabited my dreams. The next morning when I awoke I had a hard time determining if it had been a dream or if I had truly lost my mind, till I looked and saw the gun on the foot of the bed. Then my phone rang and it was a neighbor asking what had happen the night before and I ask why? They said at around two or three O’clock that they were awaken by horns blasting from near my house, and had thought that our car alarm had been set off. They had tried to call, but the phone just rang with no answer. So after a while they decided to come and check it out, but as they got about half way there it stopped so they figured I was fixing the car, and that was why I didn’t answer the phone so they went home and back to bed.

 

So what I had experienced had been real and God had left a witness to verify it. It was a few months later I was listening to a cd called Soldier of the Cross and the first track was called battle cry. On this track was simply the blowing of the Shofar or rams horn trumpet the kind that Joshua had blown at Jericho.  At that moment the Holy Spirit of God reveled to me that this was what my neighbor heard. That that night all the forces of hell had come to destroy me, but the moment I cried out to God all of the power of heaven came to my aid, and My Lord and My King  showed up to do battle for my very soul. For God had a plan from that day long ago when He called my name, and I can’t wait to see what he has in store for this miserable sinner he chose to save.

 

In Christ

Jim Babb